The Sequel Nobody Asked For
Whether you support them or not (you shouldn’t, you
absolutely should not), the IRA managed to find their way into our
conversations, our homes, our political debates, and even our cars! But once
the fad had died down, and a ridiculously named peace treaty was signed, I very
much doubt that anyone sat there and went “Man, when is IRA 2 coming out.” Well
the rumour mill is milling, and the terrorists are terroring, and over two
decades later, it appears that we may soon be looking at a true sequel to the explosive
success – IRA 2 – the sequel that nobody asked for.
The original IRA saw our titular protagonist Mr. IRA (known
as Billy McMillen to his friends and priests) as he attempted to reunite
Ireland into a single state, separate from the United Kingdom, way before
Scotland attempted it. (It is worth noting that as of writing this Mr. IRA has not attempted to sue Scotland for this blatant plagiarism, however, it can be assumed this plot point may return in IRA 2). Think of it as a cross between Dragonball Z and the British Empire, but with
pipe bombs and Catholics instead of terrible writing and abhorrent colonialism.
The tale ends with a dramatic twist, as Mr. IRA realises the United Republic of
Ireland had been in the friends he murdered along the way.
The IRA was negatively reviewed by critics, the general
population, and sensible political leaders, but that didn’t stop them from
doing a spin off mini-series, which focused far more on peaceful negotiation
than the overzealous violence that shot the original into the public eye. Every
so often, you’ll hear a whisper of a new IRA coming out, but this is usually
dismissed with a rolling of the eyes and a “what will those Catholics come up
with next.” Due to the recent political climate, and a crossover with another
title called ‘Brexit’ (SPOILER WARNING: It turns out the English were the
racists all along) IRA may be set to make a real comeback this year, and as of
March 2019, this is looking more and more likely with every passing parcel the
Royal Mail has no choice but to deliver.
Things began to get even worse following Brexit, as the
political party DUP (kind of a secondary antagonist in IRA) made a deal with
Theresa May, who had laid her lizard eggs in the front benches of parliament
and needed to make certain that she could access them whenever she wanted for
the next 4 years. This made the creators of the original IRA very angry indeed,
as they have a phobia of lizards and hard borders. All in all, the conditions
seem right to make a comeback, although an insider source who I shall refer to
as N suggests that the true cause of this sequel may stem from the very ending
of the original.
Quite the expert, N proposes that the original treaty
signed may have significantly upset some of the different communities involved
with first IRA, and that an alternate ending was planned, where everyone gets
absolutely shafted and it doesn’t seem like anybody wins at all. This is just
speculation; however, this is looking increasingly more likely, and someone who
gets paid to read this kind of stuff believed it was a first-rate report.
With all the new information come to light, what do you
believe?
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