A Comprehensive View of Transphobia

Finding one unexpectedly in your bathtub would scare you, but a fear of spiders is far more logical than this farce.

Transsexuality is a relatively modern concept, stemming from the famous biologist Miss Gender, who accidentally misspelled trains due to her rampant dyslexia. Things have been snowballing ever since, and we’ve seen a dangerous rise in people being comfortable in their own skin, having the right kind of support, and having to face a far more diverse and tolerant society. So naturally, the people are outraged.

For those who are unaware, a transgender person is someone who suffers from a very recognised mental illness (as real as a physical illness, but that’s a topic for another day) known as ‘gender dysphoria.’ This is exactly what it sounds like, if your bits don’t mean you’re a Bob, but you feel like you are one, you are well within your rights to request a name change to Robert (or David, Stephen, Michael, and King Polymorpheus the 2^nd) and people should, with extra emphasis on the should, refer to you by that name, as well as your preferred pronouns, be it he/she/they or whatever else.

While most were shocked to find out that the T in LGBT didn’t stand for ‘that’s all folks’, after a brief adjustment and a little reflection on our own personal values, most of us these days are happy to accept people for who they truly believe they are. Notice I say most. Perhaps I should make my stance on this very clear, if it isn’t already. I think it’s great, it’s pantaloon pot luck, stick your hand down someone’s pants (with permission) and see what you get, every day is Christmas when the sexual organs of your partner is a surprise.

Everybody’s scared of something, I’m scared of wasps, my brother is scared of being alone, and my girlfriend is scared of committing to anyone except the guy who lives across the street, it’s only natural to be afraid. However, some people are absolutely terrified of people who feel they were born in the wrong body, as if it might be contagious or something. I would say get vaccinated but there is quite a large overlap between those who are against transgenderism and those who are anti-vaccine, it’s almost like there’s a correlation between irrational beliefs and low intelligence or something.

This is commonly known now as transphobia, and it can come in many different forms, some more damaging than others. A refusal to use a person’s preferred pronouns is one chosen way for the ignorant to get themselves hated by their sensible friends and family, and let me make one thing clear. It is my personal belief that you get one mistake. You get your one, if someone corrects you and you keep going, and then shrug and get confused when they get ticked off with you, I’m going to expect you to justify this decision with medical records showing that you have serious brain damage. If you go pet a dog and it bites you, don’t then furiously rub its tummy while screaming “WHAT’S WRONG, I DON’T UNDERSTAND” then get upset when your MAGA hat falls off and people actually start looking at you with respect.

Another form fakeaphobia can take is the use of ‘dead names’, or probing for information about someone’s history as the gender they abandoned. The term ‘dead name’ refers to the name a person used when they were the wrong gender, and a vast majority of transsexuals want absolutely no association with it. Insisting on referring to someone by their dead name is like asking you what your dead wife’s perfume smelled like. Then they go out and buy you a bottle of that perfume and start spraying it on you while acting displeased that you’ve decided to get back on the dating scene.

Respect the past and leave it where it belongs, and respect the choices that people make with their lives. We all change drastically from day to day, just some change more than others. Some change their favourite food, their favourite colour, or what they want between their legs and that is okay. Your dad probably wasn’t a dad when he was your age, and my dad wasn’t a woman when she was my age, and hopefully nobodies dad is a dad to an intolerant child who can’t respect people’s rights to do what they want with their bodies.

NOTE: This post is trans approved!

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A Comprehensive View on the Current Political Climate of Ireland

The Sequel Nobody Asked For

Whether you support them or not (you shouldn’t, you absolutely should not), the IRA managed to find their way into our conversations, our homes, our political debates, and even our cars! But once the fad had died down, and a ridiculously named peace treaty was signed, I very much doubt that anyone sat there and went “Man, when is IRA 2 coming out.” Well the rumour mill is milling, and the terrorists are terroring, and over two decades later, it appears that we may soon be looking at a true sequel to the explosive success – IRA 2 – the sequel that nobody asked for.

The original IRA saw our titular protagonist Mr. IRA (known as Billy McMillen to his friends and priests) as he attempted to reunite Ireland into a single state, separate from the United Kingdom, way before Scotland attempted it. (It is worth noting that as of writing this Mr. IRA has not attempted to sue Scotland for this blatant plagiarism, however, it can be assumed this plot point may return in IRA 2). Think of it as a cross between Dragonball Z and the British Empire, but with pipe bombs and Catholics instead of terrible writing and abhorrent colonialism. The tale ends with a dramatic twist, as Mr. IRA realises the United Republic of Ireland had been in the friends he murdered along the way.

The IRA was negatively reviewed by critics, the general population, and sensible political leaders, but that didn’t stop them from doing a spin off mini-series, which focused far more on peaceful negotiation than the overzealous violence that shot the original into the public eye. Every so often, you’ll hear a whisper of a new IRA coming out, but this is usually dismissed with a rolling of the eyes and a “what will those Catholics come up with next.” Due to the recent political climate, and a crossover with another title called ‘Brexit’ (SPOILER WARNING: It turns out the English were the racists all along) IRA may be set to make a real comeback this year, and as of March 2019, this is looking more and more likely with every passing parcel the Royal Mail has no choice but to deliver.

Things began to get even worse following Brexit, as the political party DUP (kind of a secondary antagonist in IRA) made a deal with Theresa May, who had laid her lizard eggs in the front benches of parliament and needed to make certain that she could access them whenever she wanted for the next 4 years. This made the creators of the original IRA very angry indeed, as they have a phobia of lizards and hard borders. All in all, the conditions seem right to make a comeback, although an insider source who I shall refer to as N suggests that the true cause of this sequel may stem from the very ending of the original.

Quite the expert, N proposes that the original treaty signed may have significantly upset some of the different communities involved with first IRA, and that an alternate ending was planned, where everyone gets absolutely shafted and it doesn’t seem like anybody wins at all. This is just speculation; however, this is looking increasingly more likely, and someone who gets paid to read this kind of stuff believed it was a first-rate report.

With all the new information come to light, what do you believe?

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